When to step in

Being a Step-Mum is probably the hardest job I have ever been designated without consciously sticking my hand in the air whilst screaming ‘pick me, pick me!’.

Before I met my Husband I never really questioned whether meeting someone with children was a go, or no no. Shortly after meeting my Husband, I was soon informed that him came with an added extra, a daughter. I then found myself making the decision there and then if it bothered me. At the time I didn’t really hold any opinion on if I wanted to be a Step-Mum or not as it had never been something I had considered. I was quickly approaching the end of my twenties, and it was going to be a decision I was going to need to make at some point. I ‘liked’ my future Husband quite a bit, so thought I would take a leap and chance taking on the very daunting role of Step-Mum.

Then there was the awkward first meet. I knew it was a really important day for both me and her, as this would possibly stick in her memory store, but was also a large step in the development of mine and my Husband’s relationship. I mean I could hardly dump him a week later without his daughter being confused or asking “who was that lady?”, so I took it all quite seriously. I made sure I was polite, I looked nice, my clothes looked pretty and I greeted her with a casual smile.


As the years have gone by, naturally I have taken more and more to my new role of Step-Mum and find myself having an opinion on my Husband’s parenting skills.  Should I question his decisions? Which then make me question ‘when do I step in?’. Is it right for me to be reminding her to use her manners? Should I be telling her to make sure she has brushed her teeth (the list goes on)?

As a child I was always told to respect adults regardless of they role in my life, but to have someone who wasn’t my parent telling me what to do, I am unsure how I would have felt about that. So is it right for me to step in when my Husband is not around? Or is my new found role of Step-Mum just to guide her when she asks for guidance and leave all the parenting bits to her Dad?

I suppose time will tell, but for the time being I will continue to question my role in her life and hopefully one day she might say “you did good, thanks for just being there”. xx


1 Comment

  1. Laura Holderness
    November 6, 2016 / 4:49 pm

    Interesting read Heather, its nice to see it from a step parents’ point of view, seen as i was brought up by my mum and step dad and obviously the occasional input from my dad and step mum. Liked this one 🙂 xx

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